“A kid is always a kid for the parents.”
You must have used this line multiple times. A statement that reflects the hidden love between you and your child.
But do you know the following two statements may degrade the meaning it holds for your child in less than a minute?
“You know nothing! I know life better as I’ve experienced it.”
“This is my life and I know better.”
When our aspirations don’t match with what our parents want from us, we often think that we will not repeat such things to our kids. Yet when your own child comes forward to confess something that you happen to consider inappropriate as a parent, it is likely that you ward off the conversation by simply yelling or shouting at them. Are you afraid that your child will fall back?
Parents always wish the best for their children and fear that their kids will end up in a mess. However, more than a child it is important for parents to preach that they can make mistakes and support them if they fall back. As a parent, it is important to not let our fears restrict the path of the child to experience life. We never realise this but it’s more than our fear that restricts their growth and they begin to hide things from their parents.
It is a huge responsibility to raise a kid no matter what the age is! However, when your child enters their teenage, kids develop many changes in their internal choices and preferences outside of them, amidst their hormonal changes. Therefore as parents, we need to understand them as well as their needs instead of worrying about what to do and what not to do! Parents support their child’s development during their teenage period.
But, don’t worry! Even we learn new things and make mistakes and that’s okay! It is not intentional to distance children from ourselves, but more of a resulting generation gap that stays in every parent and child relationship.
Following are some points to discuss how parents support their child’s development:-
● Don’t panic if your teen asks for freedom!
At such a growing age, they want to experience new things that they learn. As a parent, you should not feel as if they are being disrespectful to you or they don’t value your decisions by not following your suggestion. Just try to free them, and ask them to make rules for themselves like deciding the time for coming home, the time for self-study and likewise. Let them experience and discover things by making rules and discussing what they want to be more responsible and accountable for their duty towards home.
● Don’t judge them
We tend to compare our children with different kids or ask them to learn a certain quality of others. Parents should know that this is the worst thing a child can ever hear. Your child is yours! Why do you want to make him like the one your neighbour already has? You don’t want the same dress as your neighbour! Just tell them to do what they want, and support them as their friends do. Also, when you see your kid making a mistake, make her/him understand through examples to correct the bad behaviour and not by showing anger.
● Listen to them
The teens try to hide things more at this age, majorly because of the fear of getting scolded. They search for people to whom they can share things. Try to make the relationship friendly and create a healthy balanced childhood for them. When they come to tell you something, just stop making dinner or don’t clean the dishwasher (you can do it later also). Try to show that you are always there to listen to them. This will strengthen your relationship.
● Don’t decide for them
Try to understand the basic nature of your child. Don’t decide what they will be doing on Sunday for aunt’s birthday! Most teens avoid gatherings and parties as they are not comfortable. So never decide that they are going to do what you’ve decided. Try to ask them what their plans are for the weekend. Does s/he plan to go to a friend’s birthday or did she/he get shouted at again by the math teacher? Conversations like these will help your teen to trust you.
● Spend time
Spending time with each other helps us to understand each other in a better way. Choose a destination for spending time with family. Make memories, share happiness and the feeling of love that will improve in building up a happy family.
Last but not the least, Please Remember! No parent is perfect.
We are also learning and growing along with our kids. No problem if you mistakenly do something inappropriate. We learn from our mistakes and experience only. Yet, there are things parents do to push their teens away. Stop making these parenting mistakes. Keep your child close by listening to them, spending time with them, supporting them, accepting your mistakes and telling them their mistakes in such a way that they won’t get upset or be disrespectful to you.
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I hope now after reading this blog on how parents support their child’s development, you will start implementing these tips. You can also comment below on how you are handling your kid’s problem.